Conversations With Chris: "What's Jack's Problem? You're Hot!"

Chris says, “You’re hot! What’s Jack’s problem?”

I spoke with Chris on Saturday morning (3/5/11).  It is now my Saturday morning treat.  He has the most amazing personality.  When I talk to Chris, I feel totally at ease to say what I want.  I mean, our conversations are real.  I don’t hold back even if I get a little flirty, he does as well, and the context is  never misunderstood.  So, this week’s chat was about a lot of things including more insight on what happened when Chris went out with Jack and Barbara (Read more about that here).  Chris gave me the low down and I totally appreciate it.

“If he ends up choosing Barbara over you, it’s not you.  You’re hot!  It’s all about Jack.  Don’t get me wrong, he’s my friend but he can be a schmuck at times.” Chris begins to explain, “You know that Jack is an opportunist.  You can’t hold it against the guy.  I think Barbara just happens to be what he thinks he needs right now.”  “In what way…?” I asked.  “Well, Barbara owns her own home in the suburbs, she has a history with Jack and she happens to live in the same city as Jack’s mother.  When Jack goes home to visit his mother, he’ll have a place to hide from his mom and hide the sausage…if you know what I mean.” 

Yeah, I totally got that. Being with Barbara has its share of perks.   I get it already.  My thoughts quickly went back to what Jack said about me. 

I was at Jack’s house last September for five blissful days.  During this particular make out session, Jack and I took a break and just sat in bed while talking in our underwear.

“You have all the qualities I am looking for in a life partner!” Jack says to me.  Boy was I happy to hear that, but in remembering that, I see what Jack was talking about.  I have all the qualities, not perks.  No house in the ‘burbs or living near his mother. 

So, while Jack may be weighing the priorities of the perks versus the qualities, I sit here typing all this and trying to unwrap my brain from around his little finger.  I totally love Jack unconditionally.  I can truly say that I do love Jack unconditionally and if that means that “Barbara perks” win over “Chianne qualities”, then so be it.  I do love him enough to leave him alone.  The problem is…I know Jack.  I know his patterns in relationships and he is going down the same old road as before, which is allowing his creature comforts to take precedent of the one who has his heart.  Jack would surely be back after the Barbara fiasco didn’t work out. My love for him is a sure thing and at the end of the day, if Jack ever knew anything about me, Jack knows this for certain.  The question is…Would I want him then?  What if I move on, too?  I am trying to spare Jack the heartache of that, but he may have to just learn it from experience.  Too bad for Jack...and me? 

I don't know if I live in limerence...or what?