LETTING SHANE HAVE IT OR LETTING SHANE GO?

Yes, it has been quite a while since I have taken time to sit down and blog about this phase of life I am experiencing. 

So, to catch you up on things...

Yes, I am still with Shane and it's BEEN A YEAR!

Wow!!!  Who would have thought...

This year with Shane overall has been a learning experience.  I mean there is so much about men that I didn't know or thought was "wrong"...Details later.

But, men are men.  That's it.

Shane is Shane and I love the guy.  I mean, I love him but I love myself, too.

The love I have for myself is greater that the love for Shane.  It's not a bad thing, but we are way to mature for the playground of emotional games that women can play with men and vise versa.

Now...

I think I am breaking up with Shane...again.  This is part of my self preservation...You see..

Shane is hot, but he is older and wants to sew his wild oats like a 14-yr-old boy.

And the fact of the matter is...well, he thinks that I haven't a clue about it.

Oh, I have had clues...Lot's of them.

Now, logically...I should let Shane have at it.  That's what I am logically going to do while burying the emotional side of me in a bottle of White Zin.  My emotions are kind of like pimples.  They flare up, they pop and heal.

The real question is...

Will I let Shane go that easy?  Will my emotional pimple go away without scarring...just like that?
Will I be weak and take Shane back...again?

Here's the email I sent to Shane.  I thought about this long and hard all day today.

Last night, while I was making dinner for Shane and I, his cell rang.
He answered it and I thought nothing of it...initially.

Now, my interests and my ears pricked up when I heard his declare, "Oh, my accent...It's Italian!"

More banter and giggling followed.  Giggling like a kid on the play ground that just got kissed by the school cutie.

Our eyes locked and I could see the "Oh crap" in his face.

"I'm sorry about that, babe.  I can't believe I did that in front of you...", Shane says.

Well, dummy, I'm not.  "Shane, I know it was a girl...OK...so, how is she?"
"Stop it..." he waves me off.  "...I don't want to talk about it.", he says.

I graciously let it go and buried my head in a bottle of White Zin.  I was not going to "react".  I wanted to respond...

Here's my response:

Shane,

So, you don't want to hurt my feelings and date other women.  Sweetie pie, you're going to do it, if you choose, no matter what my feelings are about it.

It's not about me, babe.  It's all about you and what you want. 

As far as I am concerned, I love you...I know that.

And, to be honest, I am no dumb bunny.

Now, logically, I know you want to be with other women.  Most men do...at least want some strange chick every once in a while.

The guy is going to either hide it or do it like Ashton Kutcher.

Now, we have talked about this before.  This is why I don't have a reason to stop you from pursuing other women and I don't have a reason to go thru your phone.  Honey, I mean, duh...  You're on POF a lot.  You check out other chicks all the time.  I am right there. I don't say a word.  I mean, why should I?  You have always done what you want...and I say "Good for you!"

You shouldn't let anyone, including me, keep you from doing what you want to do.  I am very serious about this. I HAVE SAID FROM THE BEGINNING THAT YOU SHOULDN'T JUST SETTLE...YOU SHOULD DATE.  You should date other women...I could not be more serious.

The idea of being only with me is not for you.  Trust me. 

Now, the way I "feel" about it...well, that doesn't really matter here.  Those feelings and emotions don't really matter.

  

PLEASE LISTEN TO ME.

I AM NOT UPSET.  I AM NOT ANGRY.

YOU SHOULD DATE OTHER WOMEN.  YOU WANT TO DO IT...SO DO IT!

PLEASE GO FOR IT!

NOW, HAVING SAID THAT...I HOPE THAT YOU AND YOUR LADY HAVE ALREADY MADE PLANS TO HOOK UP.

JUST LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU WILL BE AT HER PLACE SO I KNOW YOU'RE NOT HEADING THIS WAY.  OK????

I'm just trying to be honest here and that's all I ask in return.  I mean, I respect and love you enough to be honest...So DAMMIT!

JUST GO ON THE FREAKING DATE AND LET ME KNOW HOW IT GOES.

Luv,  Chi