Weekend At Robbie's

Weekend At Robbie's

Let's talk.  I mean, seriously.  I had the opportunity to spend the weekend with Robbie and I jumped at the chance.  Part of me wonders if I went because I knew that I would not be spending time with Jack in Las Vegas next month and I think part of me was trying to replace what that experience would have been.

So, Robbie and I spent Friday night together and I really thought it was only going to be Friday, but that changed later on. 

Robbie is a country boy at heart.  He was raised in a tiny Southwest farm town where everyone knew everybody and their business.  Robbie finally got out, went to college, had a successful white collar career and is now enjoying a new career.  His new career is a bit blue collar, literally.  His uniform is blue, but without him switching careers in mid-stream, our paths would have never crossed.  Anyhow, I met up with Robbie after work.

I was running late and I was supposed to meet him for dinner, but I just met up with him back at his place.  When I got there, he was sitting on his favorite chair in black socks, boxers an his unbuttoned work shirt with his super white undershirt thinly veiling his belly and chest.  "I was just sitting here watching ESPN.  I just got here...", he said while he scurried around a bit to grab me a plate and can of soda.  "I stopped by my favorite take away place down the street. 'Want half of my Philly Cheese steak?".  I giggled a bit and accepted.  I giggled because he moved around the room like a teenager trying to impress his date.

I sat right down across from him, grabbed my half of the sandwich and sipped his soda...No need to crack open a new can.  Robbie's place is cozy bachelor pad with his love of sports resonating throughout the decor.

  Robbie is a serious sports fan with his own sports fan charm.  Jack could care less if groups of people strategized about how to gain control of and/or played around with balls.

Robbie is a great guy with a mental wikipedia of crass and dirty jokes.  He's really down-to-earth and gentlemanly.  How lucky I was to experience this all weekend long.  And the best part...we slept holding one another and that was more moving than any sex we could have had.

Watch out Jack?

From Jack’s Trash to Robbie’s Treasure

OK, so Jack dropped the atomic bomb of reality and explained that our Vegas vacation is off.  Today, my feelings are mixed.  I am not going to sugar coat my feelings, I mean, my feelings are not the most diplomatic feelings in the world.  When it comes to Jack, I will admit I am selfish, but most women are selfish about the men they love.

I wanted that vacation and I have been dying to see Jack.  I have not seen Jack in the amount of time it takes to have a baby.  I mean, I could have given birth to his love child…and then some. 

I miss the hell out of him and I wish he didn’t land this gig…or better yet, I wish the gig were next month and not on the week/weekend that we were supposed to see one another.  I simply miss him and I miss kissing him and holding him and just being with Jack.  So, I am angry and it’s not the best state to be in.  I guess it’s a bit harsh to say that I am “Jack’s trash”, but what I do know is that I do not feel as important to Jack as he feels to me.   I can clear that up with a candid conversation and I was going to do that in Las Vegas.  Now, I won’t see Jack until July.  He is in touch with me and I love hearing from him.  He says all the romantic gushy stuff that I love to hear and I respond, in kind.  Jack DOES say that he loves me.  Jack DOES tell me that he loves me.  All that means is that I still think I have a shot of “playing house” with him and I would in a heartbeat.

Meanwhile, there is Robbie, who is here.  He is here for me.  Robbie is amazing in his own right.  He is witty, charming and such a mannerly gentleman.  Robbie actually treats me like a princess, which is weird for me because I am not used to men treating me like I am the only woman in the world.  Robbie does this for me and I don’t know how to accept it at times.  I almost don’t know how to be “a lady”, in the sense that I am always on-the-go, playing with the big boys, being a tomboy of sorts and simply doing life.  I forgot about letting the guy open doors, pull out your chair and helping a lady with her coat.

Jack is polite in the same manner, but he is not here.  It’s that simple.  Robbie is here and I am sincerely growing to like him very much.  Is Robbie going to replace Jack as the love of my life?  No.  I don’t think so at this point, but there is another word to describe my feelings for men like Robbie.  Let me get my thesaurus…

With 15 Days Left, Why Does Jack Flake Out On Our Vegas Vacation?

There was a voice.  A small nagging voice in the back of my mind and it was telling me that Jack would bail out of the Las Vegas trip.

Like any faithful subject, I would ignore this voice because I didn’t want to believe it.  I was practicing the Law of Attraction, using positive thoughts and envisioning myself in Jack’s arms.  Well, kick that fantasy goodbye.  This is not going to happen.  Jack is not coming to Las Vegas. 

Why? Well, according to Jack, he will be “working”.  And this is not simple work.  He was asked to be a guest speaker at a Writer’s Conference.  Oh, he is so jumping on that.  It’s been a while since his presence has been requested and I was thrilled for him.

Jack called me last night to give me the Good-slash-Bad news.  He asked if I wanted the bad news first.  Of course, I asked for the dagger in my heart first, and give it to me, he did.  “I’m not going to Las Vegas”, he stated.  My heart sank, but not as low as you’d think.  I mean, really, this is what I was expecting after he primed my pump for the bad news.  And the good news….Gah!  So, he’s going to be a guest speaker and a Writer’s Conference.  SO WHAT!!!

I am going for honesty here and I am honestly pissed to the core.  I am so over this, Jack.  Of course we did the “I love you” dance before we got off the phone.  I do love him… I am in love with him, but he’s tearing my heart apart.  Even though this is a good gig for him, I can’t help but wonder the following…

• Would Jack flake out on Barbara for this gig? 
• Is Jack telling the truth?
• Is he really going to attend this conference or is Barbara somewhere waiting in the wings?

How the Universe and Robbie Saved a Breaking Heart

I decided that I was not going to change Robbie's first name on this blog.  His first name is really Robbie.  And, like a little bird, he swooped down and gathered a few sticks and leaves to create a soft nest to hold my breaking heart.

I woke up Saturday morning and I was just bummed.  I was thinking about Jack and I couldn't wrap my mind around our situation any more.  I was giving up and letting go.  Not that it was such a bad thing.  I mean, I drive myself to the loonies over this Jack situation and I had it that morning.  I wanted  to forget about Jack. 

It was nearly dawn and the sunlight was just starting to break through my blinds and I could hear the Saturday morning traffic begin to pick up on the streets outside.  I was lying in bed looking at my ceiling fan when I had this sudden urge to say aloud, "Ok, "Universe!"  Send me someone as crazy for me as I am for Jack.  Bring it on!"  I wouldn't say I was upset.  I mean, I was challenging the universe and all, but this sudden sense of calm washed over me.  I forgot about Jack and I simply rolled over and went back to sleep.

LATER THAT DAY...

Well, I reside in a pretty big city.  loads of public transportation and no real reason to own a car.  Renting a car is best when you might want to drive one around for a week or so, especially with the gas prices.  Anyhow...

congratulations.”

Yes, it’s true.  “Later that day” actually happened and his name is Robbie.  Ok, I was uptown running errands and simply wandering in and out of stores, window shopping and killing time.  I bought some cheap jewelry and headed home.   I was on the platform waiting for the…transit when I noticed someone in the distance.  And I said to myself, “Oh, that’s Robbie.  I haven’t seen him in a while.”  Well, he was headed my way and we shuffled onto the transit together.   He looked me in the eye and said, “Where have you been?  I’ve been looking for you.”

“Looking for me?” I thought.  Wow.  I literally had not seen him since Christmas Eve. 

I remember that Christmas Eve conversation.  We had seen one another and would casually speak to one another.  A “Hello” here and a “Hi” there then came Christmas Eve.  Transit was running late and we had our first conversation.  “Nice guy”, I thought to myself back then.  I certainly could not tell he was interested.  I mean, maybe a little…but we were both reserved, a bit shy and freezing cold.  I told him my name and he told me his.  I had not seen him since. And then came…Saturday. 

Robbie and I exchanged phone numbers.  I totally took this as a sign from the heavens.  The universe doth deliver. Just Believe.  So, does Robbie take the place of Jack in my heart?  Nope.  There’s Jack, who I am in love with and Robbie who, in all honesty is living in my city.  He lives close, he is available and he is charming, goofy and loveable.  I can’t compare the two men in my life right now.  Not to mention, I thought being in love with Jack was a challenge. 

I mean, Jack is older, and I love that about him, but Robbie is almost 20 years my senior.  You should have seen us in public together the other day.   We got the typical curious stares and I find those stares amusing because I give other May/December couples the same stare, so I know what they are thinking.  No, he’s not my dad, if he were; I wouldn’t be French kissing him in public, you moron!

Chianne's Jack Babble & Texts With Chris

  Hello fellow fans of love, limerence and romance,  It’s Chianne.  I am taking this time to write while I am at work on a break because I am totally bored.  Writing excites me and this blog is my own corner page of the world.  I happen to be in the middle of chatting with Chris.  Like I said, Chris is Jack’s friend, but he is also my friend, too.  (Find out more about Chris here).  He’s a funny guy.  Here’s a snippet of the chat.  You’ll really get a sense of his humor.

Chris: kissy kissy

Me: You've been in my thoughts. :)

Chris: WTF?

Me: What do you mean…WTF?

Chris: missed u

Me: Missed you too, buggy boo.

Me: You are too sweet. You warm my heart.

Chris: dont get mushy on me soldier. lol

Me: i can't help it. feeling snuggly with warm fuzzies. I'm text cuddling.

Chris: ENOUGH ! aaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhhhh! aaaaaaacccccccchhhthththththptptpt! hack cough. lol so how you day?

Me: LMAO!!!!

Me: I'm doing well, my hunky blonde friend. How's about you?

Chris: just getting most everything done , i guess ?


   So, that’s Chris’ humor.  He really makes me laugh.  I know I have not mentioned Jack, today.  Well, not yet.  I had a sudden reminder this morning that I am going to be with Jack in less than 30 days.  I got so nervous because I have not seen in 9 months.   My stomach was in knots when I really thought about it.  So, I have not sent a text to Jack in over 15 days.

 I am going to text him right now. 

I am anticipating a jovial reaction. I will not say anything about Barbara.  I will keep the banter witty and charming.  Serious stuff can wait until I see him next month.  Insert smirk here. 

 I sent the following text: “Hello stranger.  Just dropping by to say hi”…Let the games begin. 

Honestly, if he doesn’t respond…I won’t be surprised.  If he does respond, I will be glad…. 

He responded. J  I love Jack!

 Looks like next month in Las Vegas is still a go-go.  Honestly, I thought that Barbara would sway him from his decision to go to Las Vegas.  I am no dummy.  I know he hasn’t mentioned her to me.  So, I am sure he is making Las Vegas look like it’s “all business”.  Obviously, she can’t read you as well as I can.  Duh…Of course not.  Jack and I are friggin’ soulmates.    Apparently he has a writers conference this weekend, so he says.  I’ll find out next month if it was the truth. 


 I will really be clear with him that he doesn’t have to lie or hide anything from me.  I just want honesty…even if it hurts.  I am sure he wants to know the same.

Conversations With Chris: "What's Jack's Problem? You're Hot!"

Chris says, “You’re hot! What’s Jack’s problem?”

I spoke with Chris on Saturday morning (3/5/11).  It is now my Saturday morning treat.  He has the most amazing personality.  When I talk to Chris, I feel totally at ease to say what I want.  I mean, our conversations are real.  I don’t hold back even if I get a little flirty, he does as well, and the context is  never misunderstood.  So, this week’s chat was about a lot of things including more insight on what happened when Chris went out with Jack and Barbara (Read more about that here).  Chris gave me the low down and I totally appreciate it.

“If he ends up choosing Barbara over you, it’s not you.  You’re hot!  It’s all about Jack.  Don’t get me wrong, he’s my friend but he can be a schmuck at times.” Chris begins to explain, “You know that Jack is an opportunist.  You can’t hold it against the guy.  I think Barbara just happens to be what he thinks he needs right now.”  “In what way…?” I asked.  “Well, Barbara owns her own home in the suburbs, she has a history with Jack and she happens to live in the same city as Jack’s mother.  When Jack goes home to visit his mother, he’ll have a place to hide from his mom and hide the sausage…if you know what I mean.” 

Yeah, I totally got that. Being with Barbara has its share of perks.   I get it already.  My thoughts quickly went back to what Jack said about me. 

I was at Jack’s house last September for five blissful days.  During this particular make out session, Jack and I took a break and just sat in bed while talking in our underwear.

“You have all the qualities I am looking for in a life partner!” Jack says to me.  Boy was I happy to hear that, but in remembering that, I see what Jack was talking about.  I have all the qualities, not perks.  No house in the ‘burbs or living near his mother. 

So, while Jack may be weighing the priorities of the perks versus the qualities, I sit here typing all this and trying to unwrap my brain from around his little finger.  I totally love Jack unconditionally.  I can truly say that I do love Jack unconditionally and if that means that “Barbara perks” win over “Chianne qualities”, then so be it.  I do love him enough to leave him alone.  The problem is…I know Jack.  I know his patterns in relationships and he is going down the same old road as before, which is allowing his creature comforts to take precedent of the one who has his heart.  Jack would surely be back after the Barbara fiasco didn’t work out. My love for him is a sure thing and at the end of the day, if Jack ever knew anything about me, Jack knows this for certain.  The question is…Would I want him then?  What if I move on, too?  I am trying to spare Jack the heartache of that, but he may have to just learn it from experience.  Too bad for Jack...and me? 

I don't know if I live in limerence...or what?

Jack Is Lucky & Forgiviness Is Divine

Feeling better now.  I had to go there last night.  I was so upset with Jack that I could have cried.  You know, if you look over all that I have said about him, I am aware that it looks like a silly girl’s fantasy.  The truth is there are some really amazing things about Jack and on the very opposite end of things; Jack can be a thoughtless jackass.  That pun was intended.

My problem is that I have seen both sides.  I understand that no one is perfect and that we all have our quirks.  The truth is, I am quirky, too.  Can’t you tell?  Know of anyone else writing this type of blog?  Anyhow, there is something so satisfying about Jack that when he does asshole-ish things, my first reaction is to lash out.  After I calm down, I tend to think it through.  I want to call him so badly but I really do think that waiting until I see him face-to-face will have more of an impact and hopefully I will get the response I want.  What response is that?  Well, I simply want Jack to know that what he does affects me, just like what I do effects him.  I have to admit that I do put on an “aire” of sorts at times with him.  I try to seem bulletproof, but that is not being honest.  That is coming from a place of fear.  And why should I fear anything if I love him?  What, like...I don’t have any emotions?  Well, I have never cried over him and I have never cried in front of him.  I tried to be tough, you know.  But, if I really want him to know me and to know what I need for us to work then being upfront with what I need from him is the best policy.

Jack has no problems telling me what he needs to be comfortable and I have no problem with it. But, I have held back.  I think that is my folly and I aim to change that.  I am dedicated to changing that.  Jack will understand or he won’t understand.  Either way, I won’t be able to blame him for not being upfront and honest about what I need or I will feel better about giving him the tools to keep me a happy camper.

But, as far as not saying “thank you” for the work I did for him.  That’s a real no-no.  He knows better and it’s simply rude.  I know I am making allowances and maybe even excuses.  I get that.  I get that.

Jack, Why'd You Choose Today To Be An Ass?

I am pissed beyond measure. Jack has pissed me off and I am fighting mad. I really feel justified in wanting to kick his ass. Here's what happened. You know that Jack is a writer. Well, along with being in love with the old bastard (I'm venting, remember), I also do some PR/Admin work for him. I know, dumb-dumb me.

Well, I had just cleaned up some of his old photos. I digitized them and fixed the color and such. They turned out nice. Ended up making an album with the photos online.  He went into the album and used one of the photos as his new Facebook profile pic. Did I get so much as a "thank you"? Nope. Not one 'effing peep.

You see, I have manners. I expect manners. I expect Jack to call or text when I do something for him. Oh, but Jack just gets away with it because he has me wrapped around his little finger. Ha-Ha-Ha!!

We will see about that, Jack. If you keep messing around, you WILL be "Leaving Las Vegas" and staying in Las Vegas all by your lonesome.


Don't give me shit just because Barbara is in your life.  I don't care if your so-called "long lost love" is feeding you peeled grapes at 3 a.m., you should thank people for the work they do for you.  I mean, you did before.  What's stopping you now?  Oh...Her???   I'll tell you what...If you want Barbara, let her be your little flunky, you jerk bastard.

I love you but you won't get away with treating me as if I owe YOU something. A simple "thank you" will suffice. Like I said, I am saying nothing to you until Las Vegas. You have some serious 'slpainin' to do, Lucy!

Until then, I do no more work for you. No more updates to your website. No more press releases. No more nothing. Two can play this game. I have the ball...Now, do you have the balls?

Saturday Night At The Movies With Thoughts Of Jack

'Allo,

I don't remember waking up this morning any m ore that I remember falling asleep last night.  All I know is that Jack has been on my mind. 

You probably think I do nothing all the day long except think about Jack.  Trust me, Jack does invade my thoughts quite a bit and I know I am heavy in my conversation about him with my friends and co-workers, but my true goal is to fall out of love with Jack. (I'll explain that later)

I am pretty normal by most standards.  I have a day job that I hate, I have a few friends that I trust, many acquaintances.  I like strange combinations of music just like I like strange combinations of men.  I won't say that I don't drink or smoke, but which of the two I do is of no real relevance.  Oh, and I am way over 18.

Last night, I spent some time hanging out with my buxom blonde friend, Julie.  We ordered pizza and watched Nicolas Cage movies, starting with 'Knowing'.  That was strange.  Anyhoo, Julie give me the look of sympathy when I mention Jack to her.  I knew the look was coming when I slipped his name into a short sentence asking her for a referral to her dentist because I chipped a tooth and I wanted to have it fixed before I saw Jack in April.

There it was.  Julie's chin dips down while her eyes mimic those of a sleepy hound dog.  "Chi, you're going through with this Las Vegas thing?", she asked gingerly.

"Yeah, well...the plans have already been made and....I really...I really just want to see Jack.  I really do...", I stammered like a kid who stole something and got caught with it.

"Chi...", she replies with a deep exhale, "Can you handle it?  Can you handle not getting even more caught up in his mess...?"

"I will be fine", I lied cheerfully.  "I'm ready for this, you know.  I haven't seen him in a while and this will be good for just catching up...you know, like catching up with a long lost friend...."

Julie actually let me off the hook, but I never got that dental referral.

When I got home last night, I actually did think of what I would say to Jack.  So, I practiced in front of the mirror.  I spoke to the mirror as if I he were the mirror.  It was a bit of improv acting, but I wanted to see what my body language, my facial expressions and what I did with my arms and hands.

You see, Jack is a writer and he absorbs information auditorily.  So, when I speak to him, it should flow like words from the page of a book.

And it will...

Thon Is A Sexy Distraction- Not A Replacement For My Sweetheart, Jack

This may seem like a really cheesy comparison, but, have you every craved pizza with pepperoni?

I mean, seriously craved pepperoni pizza and absolutely nothing else would satisfy you.  You could have the best home cooked meal ever, but you just have to have that greasy, icky, cheesy pepperoni pizza.

Ok, that may be a really awful comparison, but this is the way I feel about Jack.  Jack is not an icky pizza, but he is an acquired taste.  He certainly would not be everyone's cup of tea.  My sister doesn't get it.  She thinks Jack is a some weird old guy that has lost his love for his writing and she could care less about him.

 I hear earfuls upon earfuls from her about how she thinks I am making a huge mistake loving Jack and furthermore, she can't figure out why the hell I am so in love with Jack to begin with.  "He's an old man that looks as if he's going to give birth to a beer baby", my sister says.

I mean, I would guess that 99% of the women out there would choose Thon over Jack any day of the week based on looks alone.  I mean, Thon is gorgeous at first sight.  Jack is gorgeous, to me, and he is just as gorgeous as Thon...if not more so.  I know about his physical "flaws", or what society perceives as "flaws", but Jack looks hot and his youthful verve makes him even more desirable.

Like I've said before, I've known Jack for two years and I cannot figure out what it is about him that draws me in.  I have tried to find explanations in everything from astrology to Inception.

Yes I have a theory about Jack performing "Inception" on me.  It wasn't on purpose...or was it? 

I think Jack did perform "Inception" on me.  I can't seem to remember where the idea to fall in love with him came from.  I can't seem to remember where it began.  All of a sudden the idea was there.  It was just there as if it were handed to me.  I mean, it's possible that my subconscious was just open that day.  I was in a new environment and in an excited mental state, yet I was relaxed.  Who the hell knows?

What I do know, is that I do like Thon alot.  We have fun together and I care about him very much, but Thon is not my pepperoni pizza.  Jack is my love.  He is the love of my life. I have loved only one other man the way that I have loved Jack and I still love him very much.  I fell in love with Lee back in high school and I have not seen him in many years. I found him on Facebook and messaged him but he never sent a response.  So, that was that.  I hope Lee has a good life.

As for Jack...I struggle with Jack.  He is like a drug.  I'll get my fix of Jack next month in Las Vegas.

Lunch With Thon: The Perfect Distraction From Jack

Oh boy.  So, I had a happy-happy distraction the other day on my delicious lunch date with Anthony (A.K.A. Thon).  I am sure you know what I mean by lunch, right?  I went back to work focused and ready to actually get some work done.  Even my co-worker noticed my relaxed demeanor when I returned to my workstation.

Before meeting up with Thon, I was physically in attendance at our weekly team building meeting.  Yet, mentally I was thinking of how I was going to excuse myself at 11:00 a.m. and get the hell out of there to meet up with Thon.  I had a plan, and I knew what I was going to do, but I had to confirm with Thon that I was going to meet him at 11:00.  I felt my cell phone vibrate and took a quick glance at it under the table.  It was Thon.  Technically, cell phones are not allowed on the board room tables and some of my "hater" co-workers look for ways to rat you out for texting under the table, so I slipped my cell phone into my boot and excused myself to go to the restroom, where I sent a speedy text to Thon and confirmed that I would be meeting up with him in 40 minutes. 

 I don't have to get into all of the hot details.  I am sure your imagination is as creative as... Well...    Ever kiss a guy with the most perfect mouth; soft, succulent lips and sensuous roaming tongue?

Well, I kissed Thon and every time I do, I find the kiss as hypnotic as the kiss Superman lays on the lips of Lois Lane in Superman II from the 80's. 

I did truly forget that the world exists for a few glorious moments.  While that just describes Thon's kisses, can you even imagine what I have to say about the rest of Thon's firm body, bright smile and sultry eyes?  Forget it!  I will leave that to YOUR imagination, but just know that he is an eclectic darling.  Not your average musician, he's the one your mom warned you about.  Thank goodness she warned me...or else I would have never been rebellious enough to find him.  Well, he is your bad boy with a heart of gold.  Mom, would be proud but I'm not telling mom.  No need to get her interested in this one.  I know that Thon and I love making out and seeing one another when time allows.  I love it, too.  I don't think anything serious will come of it.

We carve out the time to see one another when we can.  Sometimes months go by without us having time to see one another.  We always keep in touch via email or text, though, so there is always contact.

Besides, there are a few other reasons why Thon and I just don't quite move our relationship forward.  A common set of obstacles.  I won't go there now.  No need.

I like Thon and I can't wait to see him again in the spring.  Kisses Thon.  I know you are reading this.

Thon knows about my feelings for Jack.  I spoke about Jack after "lunch" and Thon gave his analysis on the situation.  "Jack is effing with you", Thon says.  I didn't really look at it that way.  I mean, I DID look at it that way, but I hoped I was wrong about that.  I hope that Thon is wrong, too.

I hope Jack isn't just messing or effing with me.  Obviously, I plan on having a serious talk with him in Las Vegas and I am going to stay as quiet as a mouse until then.  I really don't have anything to say to Jack until Vegas.

I mean, my distraction with Thon was enough to keep me looking the other way for a while.  I do feel the urge to text Jack at times.  I get so close to doing it my thumb is just about to press send, but I just don't do it.  I delete the message time and again.  I feel powerful when I am able to resist those urges.  Not saying that it's a true power, but I feel better not saying anything at all right now.  When I am ready to talk to Jack, I will.

Jack, I truly love you.

Why I'm NOT Saying "Jack" To Jack About Barbara

I had an epiphany of sorts last night.  After talking about this situation to all of my friends, I made a welcomed decision.

I welcome the peace that comes with making this decision.  I am not going to bring up the Barbara subject with Jack.

'Tis not my subject to bring up.  This is Jack's baby.  This is Jack's situation.

Let's look at it from his point of view.  Jack believes that I know nothing of Barbara.  He has not mentioned anything about Barbara on his Facebook page.  As a matter of fact, Jack, you haven't updated your page since 2/20...How obvious that you only miss updating your page when you have female "company" visiting.

Jack makes it too easy to know what's going on.  Yet, I believe he believes that I still know nothing of Barbara...and I am saying nothing.

Today is 3/1/11.  Next month, I will be with Jack in Las Vegas for 5 days.  I have made the decision that I will not say anything to Jack.  I will give Jack the opportunity to open the lines of communication about Barbara all by himself...or not.  What if Jack goes thru all of March and never mentions her?  I mean, that is possible and he may not mention Barbara. 

Yes, it's a test, of sorts.  Does Jack feel as if he has to keep Barbara a secret?  Probably, and why?  Jack's conscious or maybe he doesn't give a shit if I know or not.  Maybe he feels that way now, but will he feel that way when I decide to drop the Barbara bomb in April?  Certainly, I can hold my tongue about Barbara until I am face-to-face with Jack.  Or maybe even kissing Jack in Las Vegas.  I'll pull away from his kiss to ask why Barbara didn't come with him.  Insert smiley here.

 I don't think Jack knows that I am in for the long haul.  I believe Jack views me through his female filter; and that would be viewing me like women from his past.  I'm not going to fly off the handle about Barbara, what pisses me off is the fact that he has kept Barbara a secret from me.

 Jack and I have been clear on the fact that since we don't live close to one another that dating others is not off limits.  Dating others is OK, as long as we tell one another about the other person.  Hell, I have a lunch date with Anthony tomorrow.  Will I tell Jack?  Yes, but since Jack is still hanging out with Barbara, I probably won't tell Jack until after my date with Anthony.  I certainly won't go through such extremes to hide Anthony from Jack.