I am in the process of analyzing that about myself. I have some kind of Pavlovian Dog response to some sort of trigger. This trigger usually leads me to text or call Jack.
FIND OUT HOW JACK AND CHIANNE MET HERE!
Anyhow, I had taken a walk and just did some soul searching during the walk. On my way home I had decided that I was going to give up on the hope of any future life between Jack and I. And, you know what? I was just fine with it.
I felt free. I was free of that binding feeling of limerence. I was free of that feeling of the need to contact Jack in place of taking drugs. I'd rather do Jack than do drugs. I've done neither, let me say for the record.
Anyhow I had this sense of calm wash over me. I was ready to let Jack go and I was ready to share that with him. I was ready to say bye-bye and I was at peace with the decision.
I did text Jack just to begin with a friendly greeting before I called and dropped this huge bombshell on him about how I was no longer going to pursue a romantic relationship with him but I value our friendship and would like to remain hims friend. This was the most noble of intentions, right?
Jack texts back. He says he has to call me and discuss something with me. I was a on guard and surprised. I thought of the worst case scenario....Oh wow! Did Jack talk to Chris? Has Chris told Jack about our conversations about Jack?
I was ready to explain myself to Jack. I was on the defense and ready to defend my conversations with Chris. Of course, my mind wanders at times, like everyone else. I created all this drama centered around a text from Jack.
A simple text that meant nothing except what it said. He had something to discuss with me. So, I responded to the text and explained that he could call me in a few hours, which he did.
My cell phone vibed as it was charging next to me. I picked it up and saw that it was Jack calling. My palms immediately began to sweat and I began to chant with excitement, "It's Jack....It's Jack....It's Jack!!!!"
That took all of about 5 seconds. "Hello", I said calmly. "Oh, hello Jack. How are you...?" We began our usual friendly banter.
I heard a strength in is voice that I had not heard in some time. A strange confidence. "Happy Valentine's Day", Jack delared.
I was speechless! Remember, I was going to drop the bombshell of just remaining friends, right? Well, after those words from Jack, that ravenous craving for Jack was back. Dammit!
I returned the sentiment. Jack proceeds with more ear candy consisting of various statements like "I miss you" and "I can't wait to see you".
I literally let the unconfortable silence linger. I was only able to muster up just a few words. They were, "Jack, I am speechless!"
He laughed. "Are you really going to the convention in Las Vegas in April?", he asked. This was easy. I could handle talking about the convention. "Yes, I am.", I replied.
"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to share a hotel room with me".
I needed CPR at this point. Of course, I said yes.
Now while I was reveling in the love fest, a little birdy pecked me on the shoulder. The bird gave me a funny look. Well, it was more like a wide-eyed, sassy stare that said, "Are you buying this crap from Jack?"
I smiled at the birdy and flicked it from my shoulder. My Jack loves me? Right?
Or, is my Jack a cheap jackass that was looking to split a hotel bill with me?
Well, it matters not. Right now, company is staying at his house for a few days, according to Jack. But, Jack didnt bother to tell me that it was Barbara, one of his high school sweethearts.
Jack didnt have to tell me. After the Valentine's Day phone call, Jack has had a rough tone on the phone. Really short and distant. I know that sound. That is the sound of another woman in the wings.
I was right. Chris told me who it was. I told Chris that I know Jack. I know Jack better than he knows himself.
I knew it was another woman.
So, I am going to wait. Will Jack still go to the convention? Will I go alone? Will Jack bring Barbara?
Jack, I love you, but you're a real jackass if you think I'm blinded by love so much that I don't know what's going on.
Until tomorrow....
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