I'm Not Scared: Chris Breaks His Silence On Jack and Barbara's Date Night

Chris Finally Gives The Scoop on Jack and Barbara.

It's Chianne and I am just thrilled.  I am thrilled because I finally spoke to Chris about his double date with Jack and Barbara. 

Oh, what a relief.  Everyone who has ever cared about someone can understand when the person you care for is dating someone who is not a threat.

I no longer feel threatened by Barbara and her interest in Jack or his interest in her.

Why not?

Oh please!  First of all, I am younger-at-heart and actually younger than Barbara.  That's not a dig at Barbara but I can't imagine Barbara totally loving Jack's pension for watching old, black and white cartoon shows in his underwear and loving it the way I do.  I also can't see Jack serenading Barbara with Disney songs as he did with me.  The point is, he's a total kid when he's with me and I love it.  He's a wise-ass, New York native and I love to see that part of him shine through.  I find it endearing and I love experiencing that side of him, not to mention, I like who I am when I am with him. 


Besides, Chris gave a little insight on Barbara.  Remember, the double date/movie night , right?  Chris, Barb, Jo and Jack.  Chris is stoked on seeing the movie 'I Am Number Four'.   When Chris suggested the movie to Barbara and Jack, how did Barbara respond?  "Oh, that sounds scary..."


Scary?  Really? 

What the...?  Enough said.


  I have a sense of security in that because even Chris has mentioned that Jack should be happy with the fact that a younger woman is showing such an interest in him.  Jack seems to look at things from an interesting point of view.  Jack makes jokes about my age.  Yes, I could technically be his daughter age-wise; assuming he had me come along while he was a teenager.

Jack also makes jokes about his age.  For instance, when I talk to Jack about one of his books, Jack will make a reference as to how old he was when he wrote it and how different he is now mentally and physically.  As I have said, Jack's hair is thinning, he has a bit of a gut, and wrinkles and back in the day, Jack was totally hot with his inviting hazel eyes and brown-berry red hair.  Every time jack makes a comment about his looks fading, I am right there to disagree.  I think he is as delicious as ever.  And he is.  He truly is. 

Another reason why I am not worried is because is because Jack is an artist.  Barbara is not.  I don't care how much you love someone, if you don't have fundamental goals, hobbies and  interests in common...


  In my experience, you can forget about the relationship working out.

If I have learned anything from my failed relationships, it is definitely that fact.  Jack and I are both writers.  Period.  The writer in us is such a part of who we are that it doesn't make sense for us to be in the company of those who cannot comprehend that.  being a writer (author/journalist) is so entrenched into our DNA that  we would betray ourselves by mixing it up with "Regular Joe's" who could care less about being and expressing as an artist.  It simply won't work. Why Jack doesn't see this common thread running through all of his relationships is beyond me when it was jack who opened my eyes to this fact.  In fact, it was Jack who introduced me to the idea, which makes sense.  So why Jack is so wrapped up in Barbara and the belief that things would work out between them is simply beyond me.

Barbara is a nurse.  Barbara is not an artist nor is she a writer. 

Wait a minute!!

I get it, Jack.  Pardon me.  I get it.

There is a history.  There's nothing like the ability to try and hang onto your youth with someone who has actually experienced it with you.  Barbara is a long lost love from college who was married to Jack's friend, also named Jack (go figure).  Barbara is now divorced from her ex-Jack and is now looking to make up for lost time with (my) Jack. 

 Yah. OK. Got that.

I am sure the fireworks shoot off when they kiss and all those old feelings are warmed up and just feel cozy and fuzzy. 

Yeah, that's fine.  I love Jack and I hate seeing him put himself through this.  Jack may be feeling high right now.  High on Barbara and life, but at the end of the day...Really, Jack?

When Barbara is through with the stories of writing...
When she is all caught up on reading your books...
When and if you guys come up with the grand plan to take your relationship back to where it was in college...  When you find out that she could give two shits about helping you edit your books or reading and reread your unpublished manuscripts...
When you're bored with hearing her stories about patients and passing meds...

I will be here.

Chianne & Jack's Vegas Vacation

Updating soon!

Chianne's Love Mythology: Jack and Chianne Are Soulmates

You see, I have a mythology about the relationship between Jack and I.  We are in each others lives for a reason.  He has no insight into the mythology.  I know it and I have felt it since the day we met.  I'd like to think he knew it, too.  There was something there.  There was a magnetism that totally drew us together despite everything that was going on in the world around us. I do believe that Jack and I are meant to be together.  Jack himself is fighting this and has admitted it to me, but Jack is lettinghis past control his future, as in his point of view about his relationships that brokedown and now the rebuilding of his relationship with Barbara.

Jack, don't let your past control your future.  Barbara is in his sights right now.  I guess there may have been some unfiunished business between them.  I am sure to find out from Jack.  He has the uncanny ability to tell on himself.  Not to mention,  I simply KNOW Jack.  I know his behaviors, patterns of speech, omittance of words in email and texts, tone of voice and body language.  Jack's body betrays him when he is lying and tells the truth for him. I appreciate that about you, Jack.

At the deepest part of my soul I undoubtedly feel that Jack will allow me to love him and allow himself to trust that I will.  We may have to go through all this "DRAMA" first...Which is very soap operetic.  I can deal with that.  Beside, it makes for great writing.

Jack, I love you.

Dear Jack, It's Sunday...I Love You...I Love You Not...?

Today, I feel weakness and strength at the same time.

My thoughts are that I am lucky to even "feel" and be able to admit it.

Last night, Jack and Barbara went on a double movie and dinner date with Chris and his wife, Jo.

As you know, Chris and I are friends and I had been waiting on a bone from Chris.  Anything.  Some little tidbit or morsel of information.  My real goal is to find a reason to fall out of love with Jack because it hurts.  And since I am numb to feeling numbness, my emotions are flared up with the tingling sensation of a foot that has fallen asleep.  I can admit that, at least today, I feel weakness for my desire to get the intel about Jack's date last night.  I feel my strength shows because I simply cannot react like some of the women that I know and begin to harass Jack with texts and silly over emoting emails.  I know I am in control of my response to this situation and I chose to respond.  Not to react. 
Barbara is Jack's old high school flame.  And even though I got that really nice and romantic Valentine's Day phone call from Jack, since then, communication had been odd with Jack.

Jack is Bogie to my Bacall.

 So. who really knows how long Barb has made her way back into Jack's life.  It was probably some time after Valentine's Day.

I have heard nothing from Chris, which is Chris' tell-tale sign that something is serious between Barbara and Jack.  In the past, when something loopy is going on with Jack, Chris has felt the need to step up and protect me and defend me to Jack.  Of course, I have no true idea what Chris says to Jack.  I can only take into account what Chris says to me and what he doesn't say to me.  I read Chris the way I read Jack.  I have gathered information about their personalities and analyzed their behaviors, which leads to patterns of behavior.  This is helpful with communicating with them and filling in the blanks with what Chris may not say.  Chris is kind of surprised when I call him out on this.  I usually get the "how'd you know" response.  The truth is, Chris tells me without telling me.

So, hearing nothing from Chris last night about the double date tells me that something serious is going on with Jack and Barbara.

When I know, I'll share.

Jack Lied When He Said, "Happy Valentine's Day"!

Let's go back a bit to the day before Valentine's Day 2011.  There are times when something triggers a Jack thought.

I am in the process of analyzing that about myself.  I have some kind of Pavlovian Dog response to some sort of trigger.  This trigger usually leads me to text or call Jack.


FIND OUT HOW JACK AND CHIANNE MET HERE!


Anyhow, I had taken a walk and just did some soul searching during the walk.  On my way home I had decided that I was going to give up on the hope of any future life between Jack and I.  And, you know what?  I was just fine with it.

I felt free.  I was free of that binding feeling of limerence.  I was free of that feeling of the need to contact Jack in place of taking drugs.  I'd rather do Jack than do drugs.  I've done neither, let me say for the record.

Anyhow I had this sense of calm wash over me.  I was ready to let Jack go and I was ready to share that with him.  I was ready to say bye-bye and I was at peace with the decision.

I did text Jack just to begin with a friendly greeting before I called and dropped this huge bombshell on him about how I was no longer going to pursue a romantic relationship with him but I value our friendship and would like to remain hims friend.  This was the most noble of intentions, right?

Jack texts back.  He says he has to call me and discuss something with me.  I was a on guard and surprised.  I thought of the worst case scenario....Oh wow!  Did Jack talk to Chris?  Has Chris told Jack about our conversations about Jack?

I was ready to explain myself to Jack.  I was on the defense and ready to defend my conversations with Chris.  Of course, my mind wanders at times, like everyone else.  I created all this drama centered around a text from Jack.

A simple text that meant nothing except what it said.  He had something to discuss with me.  So, I responded to the text and explained that he could call me in a few hours, which he did.

My cell phone vibed as it was charging next to me.  I picked it up and saw that it was Jack calling.  My palms immediately began to sweat and I began to chant with excitement, "It's Jack....It's Jack....It's Jack!!!!"

That took all of about 5 seconds.  "Hello", I said calmly.  "Oh, hello Jack.  How are you...?"  We began our usual friendly banter.

I heard a strength in is voice that I had not heard in some time.  A strange confidence.  "Happy Valentine's Day", Jack delared. 

I was speechless!  Remember, I was going to drop the bombshell of just remaining friends, right?  Well, after those words from Jack, that ravenous craving  for Jack was back.  Dammit!

I returned the sentiment.  Jack proceeds with more ear candy consisting of various statements like "I miss you" and "I can't wait to see you".

I literally let the unconfortable silence linger.  I was only able to muster up just a few words.  They were, "Jack, I am speechless!"

He laughed.  "Are you really going to the convention in Las Vegas in April?", he asked.  This was easy.  I could handle talking about the convention.  "Yes, I am.", I replied.

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to share a hotel room with me".

I needed CPR at this point.  Of course, I said yes.

Now while I was reveling in the love fest, a little birdy pecked me on the shoulder.  The bird gave me a funny look.  Well, it was more like a wide-eyed, sassy stare that said, "Are you buying this crap from Jack?"

I smiled at the birdy and flicked it from my shoulder.  My Jack loves me?  Right?

Or, is my Jack a cheap jackass that was looking to split a hotel bill with me? 

Well, it matters not.  Right now, company is staying at his house for a few days, according to Jack.  But, Jack didnt bother to tell me that it was Barbara, one of his high school sweethearts.

Jack didnt have to tell me.  After the Valentine's Day phone call, Jack has had a rough tone on the phone.  Really short and distant.  I know that sound.  That is the sound of another woman in the wings.

I was right.  Chris told me who it was.  I told Chris that I know Jack.  I know Jack better than he knows himself.

I knew it was another woman.

So, I am going to wait.  Will Jack still go to the convention?  Will I go alone?  Will Jack bring Barbara?

Jack, I love you, but you're a real jackass if you think I'm blinded by love so much that I don't know what's going on.

Until tomorrow....

I Love Jack So Much, I'll Leave Him Alone!

Updates soon!

Who is Chianne Brannigan?

Chianne Brannigan

Hello everyone.  I'm Chianne.  I am described, by others, as the girl next door.  I love being a kid-at-heart.  There are parts of me that are all grown up and there are parts of me that feel like a teen aged girl.  I tend to be a little bit too trusting, I think.  I would say that I have had shit for luck with finding a stable relationship.  All of my serious relationships tend to end with me finally getting fed up and walking out.  What I realize about myself is that I tend to find "work in progress" or "diamonds in the rough".

  I don't mind that, but for some reason, when I become a part of the lives of the men I love...They stop going after things they "claim" they want to do in their lives.  I get sick of that.  I know what I want in life, even though those wants may change and now I want people in my life with similar interests.  Jack says he wants that, too.  Jack.  Wowee-wow-wow.  I am currently in love with Jack.  I know how blind I am to his bullshit. I understand and take responsibility for my share of this Jack fiasco.  My problem is that Jack showed an interest.  If he had said that he wasn't interested in me, I would have moved on.  Something in him hit my sweet tooth.  My sweet  tooth for lovable, shall I say, losers.

I love Jack to pieces.  I know about his "flaws" and I understand that I have to take responsibility for my part and either move on (YEOUCH!) or accept him and his transparent deceit, which hurts even more.

Join Me On Facebook

I am working on getting my Facebook together.  I will keep you posted.

Chianne Brannigan: That's me...more or less.

I will update this soon.

Daily Updates on Jack and Chianne

Please view my twitter page for updates on my adventures with Jack.

Why this blog, really???

rules of this blog

rules of this blog

My Love Life: Cast of Characters

Here is a rundown of the latest cast of characters in my love life.

Jack Andrew Stephenson- I am totally head over heels for Jack.  It was love at first sight.  I didn't care that he was older than me by about 10+ years and I didn't care that he is a balding, out-of-work writer who had a great career in his hay day, which was some time ago.  I just fell and fell hard.   He's ridiculously charming and engaging.  I will get to the history of Jack (I love typing his name) later.  Damn, I love Jack!

Christopher Markus- Chris is a great friend of Jack.  They have been friends about 15+ years. I met Chris on one of my many events with Jack.  Chris and I have formed an interesting relationship which consiststs of a dash of romance and a whole lot of sexual tension.  Chris' true goal was to help me land his friend, Jack, but the lines got blurred a little when Chris and I found there was a mutual attraction.  More about Chris later.

Jo Markus- Chris' wife...on paper.  Jo and Chris are divorced from one another but...they basically have a roomie situation.  She still does his laundry and he still pays the bills, but that's the extent of the relationship.  Chris plans of moving away from Jo soon, so he says.  Even if he does, Chris and I will never be anything more than friends.  Besides, I love Jack.

Mara Lauer- Mara Lauer is Jack's ex-girlfriend.  When I met Jack and fell in love with him, he was dating Mara.  While Jack and Mara were together, I said nothing about my feelings toward Jack.  Not one word because I respected their relationship.  Besides, I thought she was his wife, but she wasn't.  I am dying to talk to Mara since she and Jack split.  I want to hear her side of the story.  What happened to their relationship? I have heard all about Jack's side of things.  Maybe I will get the guts to say something to Mara on Facebook...someday.

Barbara Cramer- BARBARA IS A NEW CAST MEMBER AS OF TODAY...That's right!  You are getting the updated cast list.  Barbara is an old flame of Jack that I found out from Chris has made her way back into Jack's life over the past several days.  MORE ABOUT THIS LATER...Well, see Jack thinks he is so slick and covert, but he's not.  I had hints months ago that Barbara was coming back into Jack's life.  I'm not dumb, Jack.  Jack's a bit naive about his transparency.  What he has said about Barbara is just as important as what he hasn't said, but what Barbara doesn't know is that it was ME that Jack called on Valentine's Day because Jack and I are going to see each other in April....MORE LATER...moving on...

Anthony Clarkson- Anthony and I really like one another.  He's gorgeous and sexy with his bald head and artistic nature.  A.C. is a musician and we only see one another every few months.  It keeps our relationship fresh since he is just confused about what he wants to do with his life...Love life included.  I am not sure that AC and I would work as a couple.  Although I am attracted to artists, musicians and writers (Jack), I just enjoy his company.

Ryan Bonnevie-  Ryan is a wonderful man who is even older than Jack, but is so cuddly and fun.  I totally enjoy spending time with Ryan when he comes to town.  We spend weekends together and are planning another one.  He is in great shape and works out daily.  Let me just say...I can tell.  If you know what I mean.

Darren Maguire-  All of the guys in my love life are older than me and I find that comforting.  Darren is sexy in that if you just saw him walking down the street, you'd never guess how wonderful of a kisser he is.  And, he is.  No long term plans here.  Darren is has adult children and I am not looking to come into his home to become "mom" to his children.  Not only that, but Darren's career has him traveling a lot and he is rarely every home.  So, when we go out on a date, it's a rare and delicious treat

I'm Gonna Tell The World On You!

I began this blog as an experiement.  I want to know if I feel better not holding the daily activities of my life inside of me.  I thought I would feel better telling my story in anonymity.  It reads like a soap opera and it's kind of funny to look back on it and read what is going on.

This experiment is about me and the relationships in my life.  Not just love relationships, but friendships as well.  I am looking forward to it being cathartic.

ABOUT ME AND JACK:

To begin, I love Jack.  I simply love Jack.  I have tried so many times to forget Jack.  I have only seen him a handful of times in my lifetime.  He lives clear across the country and we don't talk to one another much.  I decided that I would not do to Jack what he claims his ex-wives (plural) did to him.  They smothered him. 

I am not the one that will repeat this, although it's difficult not to because he really is charming.  I guess, that's part of the problem.

HISTORY: Jack & Chianne- Love Too Good To Last???

ABOUT ME AND JACK:

To begin, I love Jack.  I simply love Jack.  I have tried so many times to forget Jack.  I have only seen him a handful of times in my lifetime.  He lives clear across the country and we don't talk to one another much.  I decided that I would not do to Jack what he claims his ex-wives (plural) did to him.  They smothered him. 

I am not the one that will repeat this, although it's difficult not to because he really is charming.  I guess, that's part of the problem.

THE DAY WE MET:

I met Jack in 2009 at a Writers convention.  I am a journalist and writer and I have been for many years now.  I had never attended this convention and a friend gave me her ticket to attend on a whim.  I really was reluctant to attend and finally, as days began moving close to the convention date, I became interested in going.  I mean, maybe I could meet some connections and get back into writing and finding a publisher for my books, as well.

Well, I made it to the convention and it was a sight to behold.  Mixing in with the sea of other talented writers, I began to feel comfortable in my own skin.  How nice it is to be surrounded with people who share similar interests. This day happened to be the final day of the convention, so I felt anxious as well.  Would I meet any connections?  Where are they?  Who are they?  Where the hell do I go and do I have lipstick on my teeth?  I had so many questions, so to sort out my feelings and thoghts, I made a pit stop in one of the main convention halls.  This was a beautiful, bright room filled with natural light filled with even more people, writers, authors and fans alike.  Everywhere I looked were writers of various genres of books.  Fans lined up at the writers' booths to get autographs and purchase their latest titles.  I thought I would just take some time to stop trying to figure everything out and just meet the authors.

I went from one author to another.  Some of them were well-known and some were not.  I bought a few new books and went around the room to just take in all the sights and sounds.  Then...

As soon as I looked into his eyes, I instantly felt as if I had known him for years.  If Jack were a selling me food from my own fridge, I would have bought every single item.  Around Jack, you feel comfortable and at ease.

There was Jack.  Jack has this warmly inviting smile and tone to his voice.  As soon as I looked into his eyes, I instantly felt as if I had known him for years.  If Jack were a selling me food from my own fridge, I would have bought every single item.  Around Jack, you feel comfortable and at ease.  I didn't even realize that Jack and I, on this day, spent THREE HOURS talking to one another.  The time flew as he shared his books with me, as well as highlights of his career.  I was already excited about being at the convention and now meeting Jack put me over the moon.  The man in the booth next to Jack laughed as he occasionally oogled our way.  The woman I thought was Jack's wife, Mara, was preoccupied with reading and walking off to get refreshment.  Mara was polite, but she has an edge to her tone of voice and personality.  She didnt seem to want to be there with Jack.  Bored is the best way to describe Mara's attitude.  I am sure that she's repeatedly heard all of the stories he's shared with me.  The more interest I showed Jack, the more he spoke and was interested in sharing with me.  I found all three hours of chitty-chat glorious.  By the time I was ready to leave, Jack asked me to stay in touch with him.  I would say that I was a bit starstruck and totally excited by the invite.  Of course, I took him up on his offer.  For whatever reasons, there was a connection made that day.  A perfect storm of meeting an interesting, accomplished and handsome older gentleman.  Later that evening, I realized something more happened.  I could not get Jack out of my mind.  I began to learn more about him via his Wikipedia bio and other articles written about him.  Jack has been in the business a long time.  There is a proven track record of consistant work for many years.   I began to read his books and the more I did, the more I realized that I was in love with him from the beginning.

Jack and I became friends on MySpace.  He later disclosed that the oogling man next to us was a friend of his and when I finally left, he said to Jack, "So, when is the wedding?"

I guess I wasnt the only one to witness the magic of that day.

Needless to say, Jack and I stayed in touch through summer, fall and winter of 2009.  I had not said anything to him about my growing admiration for him.  Wait, that's an understatement.  My feelings for him were more than a simple admiration.  He began to consume my thoughts, but I took my time even bringing up the subject of my feelings with him. We stayed in touch and began to connect via email.  We would share information about our upcoming projects.   I wanted to tell Jack how I was feeling, but I held back even more. Besides, Jack was with Mara.  I certainly didnt want to step on their relationship...or was there even a relationship to muss up?

NEXT:  TELLING JACK ABOUT MY LOVE FOR HIM....