Cowboy Shane: Marriage, Babies & His Other Musings

Here we are.

I think Shane and I have been seeing one another for about a month and what a roller coaster of a month it has been.

From seeing him from dusk til' dawn to his sparce texting, Shane is who Shane is.

He rolls how he rolls.  When he doesn't want something, he doesn't get it and when he wants something... Well, does he really know what he wants?  I haven't a clue sometimes.

I've coined his drink officially the "Cowboy Shane".

 Here's how you mix it:

Sexy 8 oz. glass
Lite Ice
Whiskey (any will do)
Gatorade (your favorite flavor)

One part whiskey to two parts Gatorade.  Shake or stir and pour into glass over lite ice.

There you go.

It's pretty simple and it's his favorite when we are hanging out at 2:00 a.m. and all the corner stores have closed and we simple want more to drink and that's all that's left. 

Which leads me to this post about Tuesday night.

Shane has been very verbal, yet it comes in spurts.  There are times when I can expect a response from my text to him and other times, when there is complete silence for day.  Almost like he's disappeared from earth.

Shane looks like a mature version of Thor.  The body and all.  Shane is amazingly easy on the eyes and his body leaves nothing more to be desired.  He has it all.

When Shane is around everything is good.  I know he is comfortable with me and I am surely comfortable with him.  That's not to say that we don't have our individual issues.  Trust me, we do.  But we love each others company so much that we can put that aside, get wasted and fool around.

Shane arrives late after conducting a  late shift.  He told me earlier that he would text me.  I waited and waited and I fell asleep on my cozy rug reading a book.  My phone rang about midnight.  It was Shane.

"Are you up?", he asked.  I was dead asleep.  "YES!  I'm up, just reading.  What are you doing?", I responded.

He started telling me about his hard day at work.  He was OK and I knew it, but I asked him with sincere concern if he were.

"Well, you should go to bed.  It's late...." Shane begins.

"I'm up. Honestly, I am."  Yes, I lied through me teeth but I felt the need to just hear his sexy deep voice.  I didn't want to let him go just yet.

"Well, I'm just hanging out with the boys, you know.  So, you wanna hang out?..."

(Duh, Shane.) 

"Why don't you come over and give me a hug?", I said. 

He hung up but not before letting me know he was on his way over. 

Well, I began looking at what needed to be tidied up in the house, including myself, and cleaned up a bit.

I heard Shane's car pull up, running over the small gravel bits from the newly blacktopped street.

Shane has the best and most strong hands.  When he hugs me, I lose my breath.  Not just because I am excited about being in his arms, but because he hugs like an Arctic polar bear would probably hug.

I have so many things I want to know about Shane, but when he comes over, I fall into a trance and I cant remember a thing.

What I do remember is the following:

"Let's move in together."
"Let's have babies."
"You're my girlfriend, you know.  I'm telling everybody about you!"

Those topics alone are enough to send anyone into a coma.

Yet, I remained excited at this crazy notion.  Of course, knowing what little I feel I know of Shane, I can't consider such an offer, at least moving in with him and having babies.  Those are way too serious of topics to discuss flippantly...and before we had drinks.

Being his girlfriend sounds fun, but I don't know if Shane is ready to have a girlfriend in his life so soon after the divorce and woe to the rebound girl.  I certainly don't want that title.

What I can see about Shane and I is that we are two lonesome people who found one another and we keep one another in good company.  It makes sense for him to want to fill the hole of not having a woman about the house, nor his children, but his "idea" is not a solution.

And my problem is that the more I see, speak or have Shane over at my house, I fall for him more and more.

A blessing and a curse...

Because, I really can't drink if I'm pregnant.

Move Over Jack: Shane & Chianne Are In Love?

I was going to boil Shane's bunny after not hearing from him for four days or so after our first rendezvous.

I was peeved to say the least. 

Then, I was going to kick him to the curb when I didn't hear from him all of the following week, even after running into him.

Well, the mystery was solved when I caught him 2 days in a row this week.  I saw him on Tuesday and Wednesday, respectively.

Seeing Shane both days brought me more in touch with what is going on in his life and what he is experiencing has nothing to do with me whatsoever.

Shane is going through a difficult time with an ex-.  That is understandable.  And now knowing that this ex- and Shane are not on the best of terms explains his behavior.  I mean, some things are still sketchy, and I assume he is still learning to trust and waiting for the other shoe to drop with me, but that is not the case.

I am a pretty simple gal.  What you see is what you get.  How I am in public is how I am in private.  I am don't let the super bitch inside me take the wheel.  Besides, whats the point in that?  I simply enjoy Shane's company and like having him in my life.  Now, I know that it's that simple.

I want Shane to remain part of my life.  So, if it's at all possible (even with the ex- drama), then it shall be.

Shane has his problems and drama but I am here for him.  I am here for us and what ever US there is to be in the future.

When I saw him on Wednesday, I knew something was different.  He was very affectionate in front of others.  He was more affectionate period.  He said he had lost my number out of his phone and wanted to call me about getting together soon.

I kindly gave him my number again and I waited.   No phone call that night.  I knew he was tired and simply didn't get around to it.  That's fine, besides I was not waiting up by the phone for him to call...

Well, I was sort off expecting him to give me a ring but it was OK when he did not.

Then I decided to send him a friendly text on yesterday.  Shockingly, he responded.  I responded back casually.

Then, later in the day, I got a text when I was riding the transit after work.  I was listening to some music when I looked down and read, "I love having you in my life." 

Wha????

Of course, I wanted to hear that from him, but I certainly wasn't expecting it.  It felt like it came out of the blue and I was so happy.

Instead of sending a quick response, I let Shane sweat it out a little and didn't test him a response for several hours.  Meanwhile, I could not breathe and text all my girlfriends for advise on what to say in response.

My friend Ziggy is awesome.  She gave me words of wisdom and I tweaked what she said a bit so that it didn't sound too much like someone else wrote it.  Not to mention, that I really want to take it slow with Shane.  I don't want to burn our potential relationship out.

Here's my response:

Shane, I love you in my life, also. Together we are great. We should get to know one another better, too. We wanna do this right. And not move too fast. We can have a good thing. You agree? 6:42 PM

Needless to say, when I got home last night, I had an itchy feeling that Shane was going to come over to my place.  Sure enough, after a text battle with his ex-, Shane called me up to ask how to get to my  house again...Even though he conducts (drives) a transit past my house several times a week.

I gave him directions and within the hour he was there.  We talked and had a drink.  Finally, we had a deep discussion about our past, our families and what we wanted in our future.  Then we fooled around most of the night and into the morning.  We then went to breakfast and he drove me to work.  Then, POOF....

Just like that, after a huge kiss and great hug, he was gone....but left a deep footprint in my heart.

Yeah, we say we want to take it s-l-o-w, but it doesn't happen that way.  We do have a great chemistry and connection.

I am what Shane needs.  Not to toot my own horn, but according to him, his ex- is not the fun-loving, bouncy, energetic and supportive person anymore that he needs right now.  That's me and I like being that comfort to him.  Besides, she left him.  I am sure she had her reasons.

All the ex- drama is bringing him down.  I'm not trying to get into the middle of it, I just want him to be OK and work through as best he can and not let the anger taking him down.

As far as I go, I could fall in love.  I am not in love with Shane.  Partly because I am scared and partly because I feel like I would be betraying my love for Jack.

I can honestly say that I love Jack, but with this wonderful new man in my life and Jack off revamping his career...

Who's to say that Shane would not be replace Jack as the man of my life?

Who's to say...?

OMG! It's Raining Men...and then some....

It's Raining Men...and then some....

I thought I had my mind and hands full just dealing with Jack. Well, I can only blame the influx of new men to date on Spring Fever!

Let's update.

Thon: Thon and I have been seeing one another for about a year. He's just so damn busy and our schedules do not mesh. What's wild about Thon is that he has been hinting more and more about us becoming a couple. It's not that I am just trying to read between the lines. I mean, Thon is really making an effort. He stays in touch more. More texts and communication and that sentence that keeps resonating with me. When he asked "Is this enough for you?", I didn't want to just assume that he meant that he wanted to further our relationship along. It was the subsequent email that confirmed my initial thought. He does want more of a relationship. At this point, I know that Thon is way too busy to have me as a steady. So, that's out of the question. I'd rather just enjoy what we have and not break things because I like him. I like spending time with him and he is a delicious guy, but I know myself and I know that he does not have the time to put into a relationship that I would be comfortable with.

Robbie: Although I broke things off with Robbie (find out why here), Robbie and I have managed to remain friends. Actually, Robbie is still interested, but I cannot do the whole "my ex- is just living with me" thing. Way too much drama. I like Robbie. He makes me laugh and I have let go of all that initial hostility I had toward him. So, his ex- lives with him. I can do nothing about that nor would I want to. That's Robbie's situation and if he's OK with not moving forward and forming a relationship with me, then I have to let it go for my own sanity's sake. It could have been fun, Robbie.

Cowboy Shane: Well, I certainly made Cowboy Shane the main event here on this blog.  Almost as important as Jack himself. Well, what I have not been able to say about Shane is that he never texts or calls me back and after our night in paradise, I thought that he was a serious "Wham-Bam....". I was wrong as of yesterday. It turns out that Shane has a past. His past is not far enough in the past for him to move forward at the moment. He's stuck. After the ink drying on his divorce just a few months ago, Shane has not had much contact with his children. The ex-wife took the kids across the country and not much has been seen or heard from them in some time. I saw Shane yesterday and he just started talking to me about it. He is becoming an insomniac which doesn't work when you're a transit conductor. After not having heard from him since our night together, I thought that he was just an asshole that wanted a one-night-stand. I was wrong. Last week, he was affectionate with me and he didn't hold back, even in public on his transit breaks. He did the same yesterday and he is likely to do the same today when I see him at my regular time. He's pouting and brooding, with reason of course. But, it's not healthy for him.

Cowboy Shane wants more of a relationship with me. How do I know? He gave a copy of his conductor's schedule. "So you don't have to guess where I am on the routes", he says. Why did he give me a copy of his schedule? Well, to me, that says more than not calling or texting me says. I really like Shane. He's not only gorgeous but he has a heart. That's a great recipe for something long term. Can't wait to see where this goes. I'm in for the adventure. Watch out Jack!


Next time, I'll update the goings on with my new guy, Alex...who's in serious heat.
As well as, Marty and his "Farewell to England" gift and of course, my love, Jack.

Ballad Of Cowboy Shane: The Finale

 Later that evening...

 

Shane ended up calling and asking how to get to my house.  I asked him why he wanted to know.

 

He said, "Just tell me..."  So, I did.

 

Now, let me remind you.  I thought the date was called off.  I had started on sorting my laundry and cleaning the house.  My house was a divine mess.

 

"I'll be there in 20 minutes!" he says.  "Wait...Shane....Wait!!!" I reply.  I'm completely freaking out.  The only work that I could think of saying was "F**K"!  I tried calling him back but he didn't pick up.

 

"He can't come over," I thought to myself, "My place is a (BLANKING) mess!!! And, OMG...I'm in pyjamas. I am not ready to go out on a date.

 

I rushed around creating my own brand of havoc trying to prepare the pad for my special impromptu guest.  I never got the place completely clean and I tried right up until I saw the lights and heard the sound of an engine that I am not used to hearing.

 

It was Shane in his SUV.  The seconds it took him to get out of the car seemed like hours.  He parked across the street and made his way toward me.  He looked rather edible in his dark washed denims, casual navy tee and flip flops...(Flip flops???)

 

"Shane, I can't let you in.  My place is a mess."

 

"Chill-chill.  Chill out.  It's OK.", he replied.  Yeah, so I still don't feel any better.

 

"Nooo, I can't.  Why don't we go out and get something to drink?" 

 

"Noooo, just chill.  It's OK...Chill-chill out."

 

Needless to say, Shane came in and brought his bag of goodies.  Yeah, Taco Bell and whiskey and Gatorade?

 

So, we sat in my tiny home and had a great time talking about a whole lot of nothing.  Our language barrier seemed to widen the more he added whiskey to his Gatorade.

 

"Grab me a glass of water...if you please..." he requested.  I come back with a glass of water...half empty.

 

He pours whiskey into the glass, filling it.  "Have a drink", he said.  "You have to chill out, Chi...You have to relax, you know...chill out?"

 

Saying "chill out" was about the only thing that was making much sense as we both became so wasted that we ended up fooling around on my floor.  Well, we did more than fool around.

 

Let's say that the state of Virginia is not the only place for lovers.  I think the combo of sexy accent, sexy guy and watered down whiskey impaired my judgement.  That's one way to look at it or I can just say that I took advantage of the situation, because that's what I did.

 

The next morning we had breakfast and he drove me to work, kissing my hands the entire way there, then as an added bonus, I got to show him off to my co-workers. 

"I like you...I love you...I like you...I love you..."  Shane chants.

 

"Don't say that Shane!  You don't know me.  How can you love me?" I queried while trying to put my hands over his mouth.  For the sake of my own sanity, I didn't want to hear it.

 

"I dunno.  I'm afraid, you know.  I just got divorced a few months ago and....You are so great..." he says.

I didn't know how to respond.  Sure I wanted to hear that he loved me, but right now?  Nope.  I know that was probably hangover talk.

 

I  don't know.  I didn't want him to get all Jerry Maguire with me.   Just liking me because I am available.

 

But he did have me at hello....

 

 

My Time With Cowboy Shane: Hotter Than Summer (Continued from 5/2/11)

 In conclusion...

Shane and I had an unusual lunch.  I would say it was the most sensual lunch I have ever had with the most gorgeous guy ever.

I know, I know.  I gush over him and his looks.  What you have to understand is that I usually date men 10 to 20 years older than me, I am no spring chicken.  I am in my 30's.  That's all I will say about my age.

So, when I see a guy that I thought was in his late 20's actually be 2.5 times older, I can't help it.  He is the epitome of European vie.  He loves great cappuccino, great European cigarettes (on occasion) and he has an eclectic sense of style and living.  His views on life are unique and I appreciate the new view from his mental window.

Back to lunch...

Shane is very touchy-feely.  He's relaxed, calm and confident.  Or at least he appears that way most of the time.  He had ordered us a glass of wine.  Yeah, I was on lunch from work.  At little wine won't kill me.  What the heck, right?

Our server was very accommodating and polite enough to keep calling Shane by his first name.  "Shane, may I get you anything else; something for your guest?" queried our server.  "No, no, no.... Thank you soooo much, Bec-keee!  You've been a-ma-zing", he says with a smile and his thick muddled accent.

Here's a visual.  We are sitting and enjoying lunch at this crowded, swanky cafe.  The sun is shining.  Shane and I are there sipping wine and things are perfect in this moment.

So, for the time we were there.  Shane practically gave me a back massage, which felt wonderful, along with a hip, thigh and crotch massage.  Yes, he was massaging my crotch and talking about work.  Trust me, my memory fades a bit here because I could no longer hear anything that came out of his mouth.  All I could do is try to deter his need to reach between my legs by holding his hand.

Look, I'll be honest.  His touch was exhilarating, but I was just worried about what everyone else was thinking.  I mean, couldn't they see what he was doing?

I wanted to yell out to the crowd, "Hello, doesn't anyone see Shane rubbing my thighs and crotch because if you are not watching, I'll just have him continue...I mean, we are outdoors, people... and I was worried about what this might look like if you are looking....but since you're not looking....I'll sit down now!!!"

That was the beginning of our whirlwind escapade.  After an amazing lunch and succulent "See you later tonight" kiss after lunch, I was in no mental state to work the rest of the day.  I was winging it and doing the bare minimum.  By this time the wine wore off, thank goodness, but I still felt tipsy.  Shane gives me more of an adrenaline rush than most risque things I've done in my life.

At lunch, Shane and I made plans to have dinner, as well.  I mean, actually, we were supposed to just have dinner but the lunch came because...well, we wanted to see one another.  It's that simple.

Dinner was supposed to be at 8 pm.  At 6:47 pm, I receive a text from Shane.  Shane is basically backing out of our dinner date letting me know that he might see me on Saturday.  "Yeah right!", I thought " He works on Saturday.  How the hell is he going to have time to see me on Saturday?"

Part Two of the Conclusion is coming later today.

The Ballad of Cowboy Shane: Did I Give My Heart or Did He Steal It? (Continued from 5/2/11)

Cowboy Shane:  Did I Give My Heart or Did He Steal It? (Continued from yesterday- 5/2/11)

So, it's now time for me to make the big reveal.  Is Cowboy Shane a rootin' tootin' heart breaker or did I volunteer my heart over to one of the most handsome men I have seen in years?
Well, It's a toss up.  Flip your coin to see what the answer is.  Heads for me giving my heart and tales means he stole it.

If you don't remember what I said about beautiful Shane yesterday, read it here!

Now, assuming that you've caught up...

Here goes...

Shane and I spoke on the phone after exchanging numbers last Wednesday.  That was in the early evening and for the rest of the night I had the biggest smile.  I was really glad that he showed and interest in getting to know me.  What are the chances that such a looker would look my way. 

Well...

He and I spoke later that night after he finished working and he is very interesting to talk to.  We joked a bit until I heard a bit of an accent.  I asked where he was from.  "I was born in Italy and I lived all over Europe", he explained, "So my accent is a mix."

This certainly explain his exotic, yet rugged looks.

"Soooo, we'll meet for lunch tomorrow?", he asked toward the end of the conversation.

"Sure, I have about an hour for lunch...." He interrupts with, "Yes, yes.  An hour.  Good.  One o'clock, then...Good for you?"

"Yeah, sure!" I said excitedly.

"There is something about you...You know... An energy...an very good chi.  We have a good connection, yes...?" he declares.

"Yes, I think we have something in the makings...Sure!"

At this point in the conversation, I had to pick my body up from the floor.  The mouth was talking but the rest of me was a happy little mess.

"Ok, call me tomorrow.  Noon. Just to confirm, OK?"

I agreed.

We said our goodbyes and off to be I went.  I slept on cloud 9. 

I woke u the next morning and, as usual, when there is a special occasion, I could find nothing to wear.

My outfit had to be something I could wear to work, but have an extra flair.

I settled on a gray and black pant suit I put together.

I headed to work and I was just fine and doing what I needed to do to keep my focus on work.  It was way too easy to veer off into fantasy land and daydream of Shane.

Finally, I called him at noon.  We confirmed our plans and met at a swanky outdoor cafe just a stones throw from work.  Besides, I didn't want to be too weak in the knees from the sight of his azure blue eyes that I couldn't walk myself back to work.  Better to eat somewhere close in case I had to crawl.

Well, the time came.  It was 12:55 and I was headed out of my office and strolling down the street.  That was the longest walk ever.

I walked up to the gated entrance of the cafe and scanned the crowd.  I didn't know what he looked like in street clothes. Until today, I've only seen him wearing his work uniform.

In the distance, I see this hulkingly beautiful man approaching.  He greeted me with open arms and gave me a hug...Well, a squeeze, rather.

Like a boa constrictor squeezing their prey, I felt my self swooped up in to his arms.

"Hello beautiful!", he said.

It was warm outside and I could have fainted from the heat alone and now I wanted to faint from the fact that I was with him.


To be concluded tomorrow...

By the way, tomorrow (5/4/11) is Cowboy Shane day.  I'll be riding his transit at 6:20 pm.  I wonder how that will turn out after what happened between us. 

Yes, I have already pick out my outfit.

Heart-Way Robbery: Cowboy Shane Rode In and Stole My Heart

I do consider myself pretty easy going and I am with most people, I am.  That includes all of the men in my life, too.

I'm not sure why this guy is driving me to want to boil his bunny.  Maybe because he is so stunning.  And when I say stunning...I mean it and so do all my friends who got to meet him.
Well, in rides Cowboy Shane to steal my heart and everything that comes with it.  Now, I have not heard from him since Friday morning when his delicious ass drove me to work and met my co-workers.  I had to show him off.  He is an Adonis.

Cowboy Shane is my nick name for him.  I saw his for the first time six weeks ago.  I was catching a street transit (bus) after work and he was the conductor (driver).  I usually do not ride at this particular time, but by happenstance, I did this time.

The door opened and the the sexiest man alive was staring right at me, waiting for me to board.  Blonde and blue-eyed men are one of my favorite flavors.

I locked eyes with him and immediately my lip stated to tremble and sweat.  His piercing blue eyes looked thru me like Superman can when he uses his x-ray vision.  His model like looks took a toll on my body, leading me to tremble with excitement when I sat down.  I sat in the back.  I was so nervous, I didn't want him to see me shaking just from the sight of him.

I could do nothing except look straight ahead, facing him the entire ride, which leads me to the end of the line.  It's only a 10 minute ride, but it seemed as if it took forever.  Time literally stopped...stood still...whatever.  You get the vibe, right?

I made sure that I was on every week from then on, since I only ride in that direction once per week.
It almost became a sport to see him.  Would I make it to the transit in time on days I was running late?  You're damn right I did.  I don't care if I was running in heels, I was there.  Every week at 6:20 pm.
That was six weeks ago. 

Last week (April 27, 2011) I gathered enough courage and practiced what I was going to say to him.  I was going to speak to him for the first time.  Of course, I thought he would never go for a gal like me.  I'm no plain Jane, but a guy like that could have girls lined up around the block to pay him for a kiss.
Well, needless to say, when I saw the transit approaching, I began to sweat like I had just run a marathon.  I quickly touched up my makeup as he was at the stoplight down the street.
It seemed as if it took a thousand years for the transit to pull up to my stop.  Someone deboarded and another passenger was waiting to board.  I let them board first.

"Well," I started, "Do I get to see you're handsome face every Wednesday?"  He smiled.  I don't know if he heard me because I didn't hear myself.  I felt like no sound came out of my mouth.  "I guess so" he replied with his deep, bass-y voice.

My mind fainted, but my body managed to make it to the seat in the front.  Apparently he had more to say.  "You look nice today", He said. 

Uh...me??????

"Thank you.  You do as well!", I managed to spit out words, but in my mind, I was speaking gibberish.
Fast forward to the end of the transit line and the end of the trip.  He usually takes a 10 or 15 minute break before making the return trip on his route.
He stopped me from getting off the transit and said that he had wanted to say something to me, but that he was a bit shy and didnt know if there was someone in my life like a boyfriend or something.
I explained that I did not have a boyfriend and we proceeded to exchange numbers.  I offered to take me out to dinner on Thursday and I agreed, but not before asking if I would make dinner first and have him come over to my place...

Uhhhh, me?????

Fast forward to this day.  I want to boil his bunny.  I am no Fatal Attraction, but I am just miffed.  I don't want to make Cowboy Shane look like the bad guy here.  We had a phenomenal next 48 hours, but by heart is crushed.

No word from him since Friday.  No text message.  No call.  Serious radio silence and static.
 I wanna create stories in my head about where his cell phone could be or  what's going on with him.  I know he's working and he's busy.  Does that silence mean he is not that into me? Some of my friends say yes and others disagree.

Cowboy Shane, if you're not that into me...just let me know and I'll spare your bunny.   It's the hanging on to hope that kills.
To be continued...